


Good Years

by Star55



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Genderswap, Girl Direction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-14 17:07:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18056621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star55/pseuds/Star55
Summary: It's been years since Louis and Zayn have seen each other. Since Zayn left the band, in fact.





	Good Years

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back at the start of January after listening to Zayn's _Good Years_ on repeat far too often and having a bit of a cry.  
> The angst isn't heavy in this - it is me, after all.  
> Um. Enjoy?
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you to Leah for the cheerleading, you're a gem! ♥  
> Betaed by Emma. Any leftover mistakes are my own. Please (kindly) tell me if you find something glaringly awful.
> 
> Please do not break the fourth wall and show this to anyone in the band, their family, friends, etc, etc. Thank you.

It’s been years since they’ve seen each other, but there she is, leaning against the wall of the chippy that Louis was about to go into, a cigarette dangling from her lips. Louis stops walking. Stops moving. Stops breathing. Just. Stops.

Zayn hasn’t seen her yet, thankfully, but she… 

It takes a lot for Louis not to just cry at the sight of her.

She’s changed. Shit. They’ve _all_ changed. But Zayn the most.

Her posture is relaxed. Years ago, it would’ve been rigid. Her eyes would’ve darted around, searching for whatever, unable to stay still until she found whatever it is she wanted. But now. Now she looks at ease in herself. She looks _comfortable_. 

Her hair hangs over her eyes, that much has stayed the same. But there are far more tattoos littering her body. She’s wearing a denim jacket, but Louis can see the tattoos peeking up over the collar of her shirt, staining her neck with ink. She can see the tattoos on the backs of Zayn’s hands as she lifts the cigarette to her lips to take a drag.

Fuck. 

Louis had finally given up smoking, and now all she wants is to stand there with Zayn and smoke just like they used to.

Her heart aches in her chest. Just at the thought. At the nostalgia running through her veins. At Zayn just standing there, waiting for god knows what. 

Louis hasn’t seen her in _so long_.

Zayn released a single a few days ago.

Louis listened to it once and chucked an almighty strop. 

She had ranted for _hours_ at Harry, at Niall, at Liam. Wondering how _dare she_ say that she thought she wasted all her ‘good years’ on One Direction. They were _in that_ together. For the long haul. And then Zayn decided that she didn’t want to be in it anymore.

It fucking broke Louis’ heart when she left without so much as a goodbye. She lost her best friend that day. And every time that Louis had tried to get in contact with her, Zayn’s assistant would answer Louis’ calls and say that Zayn didn’t want to be disturbed.

And when her mum… 

Louis swallows thickly. She turns to look the other way. She can’t do this right now. She can’t be here. She can’t see Zayn.

She just _can’t_.

That’s when Zayn looks up. Of course she does. Impeccable timing.

Louis stays where she is, unable to move, even if she wanted to. 

They stare at each other for the longest time. An eternity passes. Louis ages sixty years, and yet neither of them move.

Until Zayn pushes off the wall. She flicks the butt of her cigarette to the ground and steps on it with her heavy boots. She’s still wearing those.

Louis once dubbed them Zayn’s ‘get shit done’ boots. Because whenever she wore them, Zayn was going to Do Things and she would kick arse at whatever she did. Louis once loved everything those boots symbolised. Now they make her stomach curl.

Twelve paces later, Zayn is close enough to touch.

Louis can’t look at her.

“Hey.”

She bites her tongue. Bites back the words she wants to say. Bites back the tears. Bites back the uncontrollable panic rising in her throat.

“Hey.”

It’s been _years_ and that’s all she gets. 

“What are you doing here?”

“I remembered that this was your favourite chippy.”

Damn past Louis and her inability to keep a good thing to herself.

“…And?”

Zayn’s cool eyes meet hers. Shit. She’s still as beautiful as ever. Still able to render Louis completely silent with just a look. Not a small feat, either.

“I wanted to talk.”

“Funny. I wanted to talk years ago. When you left me. Left _us_.”

A strange look crosses Zayn’s face. Her fingers twitch at her side. Louis recognises that. Her own hands do it far too often. She’s desperate for a cigarette, something to do to take her mind off this situation. Zayn obviously feels the exact same way. 

“I had to. You know I had to.”

“Yeah, we got your press letter.”

The silence is bitter. 

Louis’ heart is bitter.

“I… Shit, Lou, you’re not making this easy.”

“Good.”

“I miss you.”

Louis has to look away. She sees the sincerity in Zayn’s face. Hears it in the tone of her voice. Knows that she’s telling the truth.

And the truth is. Louis misses her too.

She misses everything about Zayn.

Misses the way they would skive off and do stupid shit together. Get tattoos. Get high. Do more stupid stuff. 

“Fuck you.” It’s a whisper. Said without heat. But Louis _means it_. She wants Zayn to know just how much she means it. How much she’s hurting. How much she’d like to just forget it all, to get over it, to let go.

But she doesn’t know _how_.

And with Zayn standing right in front of her, she wouldn’t even know where to start.

“One thousand, three hundred and fifty. Give or take a few days.”

“What?”

“That’s how long it’s been since you left.”

“…”

“Why are you here?”

“I told you, I wanted to talk.”

Louis licks her lips. She gives Zayn an incredulous look. “I thought that you ‘wasted’ all of your good years on us? Isn’t that what your song was about?”

“When I wrote that… I was hurting.”

“I was hurting, too!”

Louis really wants a cigarette. 

“You _left_. You don’t get to say those things!”

“Fuck, Lou. What else am I supposed to do?”

“Not fucking leave me like you did!”

The tears can’t be stopped now. Louis angrily wipes at her eyes. She can see a few people staring at them and she gives them the finger. They roll their eyes at her and walk away. At least she’s still got that.

“Do you really believe that? That you wasted all of your good years on us?” She can’t believe she’s actually said those words out loud, but it’s too late to take them back now.

“No.”

Louis looks up. Searching for the lie. Searching for the deception. Searching.

“I hated you so much.”

“I know.”

“You broke my heart.”

“I know.”

“I still love you.”

“I know.”

Louis glares at her.

“I still love you too.”

“Fuck you.” Louis takes a shaky breath. She turns around to leave, barely able to see through her tears.

Zayn’s hand still fits perfectly in her own. She hates it.

She doesn’t let go.

“So… You had to wear your ‘get shit done’ boots to come talk to me?”

Zayn’s soft laughter makes Louis’ skin tingle. 

“You’re an intimidating woman, Louis.”

“Damn right.”

One thousand, three hundred and fifty something days and Louis’ heart finally feels like it might start healing.

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked this, please leave a comment. It absolutely makes my entire day. ♥
> 
>  
> 
> rebloggable post on my [tumblr](http://star55.tumblr.com/post/183346506906)


End file.
